Saturday, 8 December 2012

False Positives

I haven't been around here since Halloween, you'll have noticed, and it's because things have gone (as they are wont to do) from potentially bad to oh my fucking god. As in, long-term unemployment + UI running out + lease ending = don't know where I'll be in three weeks' time. No hyperbole; that's the stark truth.

It's been a series of disappointments along this downward slide. In the rare moments that I'm numb enough to view the situation with dispassion and detachment, it's rather interesting from a sociological standpoint: a microcosm of the current US economic climate, if nothing else. The phrase close, but no cigar applies. I've gotten close on several occasions to securing permanent full-time work, but each time I've just missed it. This has done nothing at all for me beyond reawakening that small sad part of me that still recalls, with painful mortification, being perpetually the last one picked.

The last time I was in the running for something potentially good, I decided to try doing a reading. I'll point out that my spiritual activities since Halloween have been practically nil; faith has never come easily to me and the darker things get, the closer I edge to the abyss of utter unbelief. In order to perform any spiritual functions at all I have to almost approach them from a scientific what-if standpoint, almost like an experiment: I'll try this and see what, if anything, happens. In that spirit, a couple of readings were done back in the summer, when I thought I had a sure thing; I read my cards and my husband read the runes. The readings were both positive and encouraging. I myself was both positive and encouraged--until they day I found out that the requirements for the position had been changed to include a degree I did not possess. False positive.

Move on a couple of months, and I've tossed my hat in the ring for a, let's say, scribal sort of records-keeping position well within my skillset. It's at a place I'd interviewed before, and even gotten a second interview (so I know that I was at least one of three finalists). I decide to do a reading, and I ask about said position; I pull two scarabs and what I come up with are the jackal figure of Anubis (whom I'd invoked in his name of Wepwawet) and the symbol of Seshat, whom I'd also invoked.

Well! That seemed very encouraging, indeed! Until I got the "thanks but no thanks" email, without even having been invited to interview again.

And now here we are, even further into the unwinding secular year, and looking ahead looks more like looking down the barrel of a gun. I've applied yet again at that same place, for the same sort of scribal position (albeit in a different department; my first two rejections came from the same department), and last night for shits and giggles I decided to try another reading, this time with the Tarot. Simple three-card spread, past-present-future, and the inquiry dealt with the urgent need for at least one of us to secure permanent full-time employment to avoid the utter shitstorm of humiliation and degradation ahead. Here are the three cards that came up:

In this deck, this card seems less dire than in the traditional Rider-Waite, but the meaning is unchanged  

She was actually reversed, and things being what they are I tended to agree with the reversed meaning

Yeah. This.
If you're unfamiliar with the meanings of the cards, I urge you to Google 'em up, particularly the meaning of that last one, the one in the future position. Words like "everything" and "eventually" came up, which I have to add on top of the words "hope" and "patience" that appeared in a certain oracle with which some of you will be familiar. (These are all important words for Bones fans, which give them an extra layer of meaning for me.)

So. Another false positive? Nothing left for me to do but wait and see.

1 comment:

  1. Yeah...I'm always a bit hesitant to divine for people (especially with a yes-no system like Fedw!) because of the possibility of false positives and the resultant disappointment. On the other hand, maybe that temporary boost of hope helps some people, even if it doesn't pan out in the end; I don't know.

    Best wishes on your situation--I hope something comes through for you soon!