As you might imagine, I'm not feeling it. Not the religious holiday, not the secular celebration, not even the festivities related to the spiritual traditions that are meaningful for me. Even the year we left our house I managed to dredge up a bit of festive feeling, if only because that was a relatively soft landing; this year I got nothin'.
There are things that I usually do around the holidays, that this year I have felt no inclination to do: no fire on the hearth; no bayberry candles; no depraved nativity scene featuring Isis, Osiris and baby Horus; no baking; no watching the Christmas midnight mass on TV. We had the vaguest intentions of doing some kind of solstice ritual, but nothing ever came of it. I've been intending to bake soda bread since before Halloween, but that hasn't happened either. I have frozen persimmon pulp waiting to become pudding, but I have yet to make that happen. I last baked shortbread in September, before things had fallen apart so dramatically. I was thinking about watching the midnight mass last night--St. Peter's basilica is so blinged-out opulent that I like looking at it--but instead I fell asleep on the couch watching Starship Troopers then dragged off to bed. Merry fucking Christmas!
It's sad, because we only get a finite number of holiday occasions in each lifetime, and this one has just been squandered. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one having this experience this year. Misery, in this case, doesn't really much love the company. :P