Sometimes I forget just what an enchanted life feels like, but then something happens, and I remember.
I’ve been gone from blogging here for a while; working 10+ hour days within a nihilistic fog of dysthymia leaves me with very little inspiration, I’ve found. That’s not to say that nothing good or positive has happened in my life in that time; on the contrary, I fell in love—with exquisitely bad timing, it would appear—with a band last fall, the band I’ve been waiting for since I was a teenager hanging onto sanity through a steady diet of Rainbow and Deep Purple and Blue Oyster Cult and Jefferson Starship and Led Zepplin and…well, you get the idea. This band of my dreams is now fragmenting a bit (if not imploding outright, they’re cagey bastards and while the truth may be out there, it is impossible to determine at this time), and thereon hangs my tale.
A key member departed mysteriously last summer, and earlier this year new rumors started swirling that the lead vocalist/band leader had fired everyone. The fandom’s been in an uproar ever since, which has been great for distracting me from things such as the fact that my entire country is on the express train to Shitsville thanks to what happened last November, but it hasn’t been at all good for my nerves. This has been going on for a few weeks.
In the last week or so, I found myself having thoughts along the lines of “Wouldn’t it be interesting if someone came out and did a video or something like ‘I was a Nameless Ghoul’?” I’ve found myself unduly worried about complete strangers whom I have never and probably never will meet, hoping that they’re all OK and still friends etc. I have, let us say, felt a disturbance in the Force, just enough to be a bit distracting and agitating.
(The new age folks would probably call me an empath and say that I’d somehow connected with the energy of the band and its members, and have been picking up on their vibrations or something, and I’m not here to say that’s right or wrong. It sounds goofy, but I’ve experienced enough goofiness in this lifetime to not be too quick to dismiss a theory out of hand.)
Which brings us to this morning. I was driving in to work, listening for the eighty bajillionth time to a song by one of the band’s related projects, this a demo from back before the present band even existed, words and music and vocals by the aforementioned absent member. Eighty bajillionth listening, yes, but this time it struck me differently. That’s a thing that happens to me, and has happened often enough that I’ve come to think of it as one of my “things”—I’ll hear an old beloved familiar song in a completely new way, as though it’s slipped sideways through my every defense and opened up something that I’d previously missed, something I needed to know or feel or understand. That happened this morning, as a couple of the lines in the song struck me so powerfully that I was tearing up; the lyrics felt almost prophetic, and I wondered what that meant.
This afternoon, the absent party released a video. I have yet to watch it as I write this (will be doing so when I can catch a break), but the gist has already been made clear. That related project is coming back to life, and that song that cut me open this morning? Fully remastered and sitting out there as the first single for the project’s renaissance.
Sometimes I forget what my enchanted life can feel like, but then something like this happens, and I remember.